Forgiveness

On Forgiveness

1. matt 18:21-35, eph 4:32 god’s forgiveness of us as the basis of our forgiving others
2. consequences of not forgiving
--matt 6:14-15 refusing to forgive keeps us from god’s forgiveness
--II cor 2:10-11 refusing to forgive allows satan to outwit us
--eph 4:26-27 refusing to forgive gives the devil a foothold in our lives, our greatest enemy to spiritual health
--destroys us emotionally
--destroys us physically ps. 32:3-4
--destroys others prov 17:7, 27:4
3. review these consequences when tempted not to forgive
4. make a prior decision to forgive
5. empty your “resentment tank”--resentments can be buried for years without our realizing it

Steps To Forgiving

1. express your feelings to god
2. recognize your lack of forgiveness--important to say “I have not yet forgiven”
3. confess it to god--different from #1!!!
4. make a decision to forgive--a decision to surrender
--sign of a grudge: the need to take people on a museum tour of old hurts and injustices
5. ACT CONTRARY TO YOUR FEELINGS!!!!--it’s easier to act your way into new feelings than to feel your way into new actions
6. seek to identify the cause--perhaps the other person’s actions are not the cause of our feelings, but only a trigger for unresolved issues in our lives--the cause of our feelings is INTERNAL!!!
7. do everything possible to seek reconciliation…as far as it depends on you! ro. 12:18, matt 5:23-24

Note:
--if forgiveness doesn’t take place, the one I have a grudge against has control over my thoughts, my feelings, my life!
--forgiving and reconciling are different: sometimes, forgiveness is possible but reconciliation isn’t, esp. if the other person is unwilling

1. what if the other person doesn’t repent? --> luke 17: 3-4
2. is forgivinrg just a decision? should I be able to do it immediately? --> forgiveness is a process! to expect immediate inner change of feelings is unrealistic
3. when I forgive, should I be able to forget? --> forgetting is physically impossible--banking image: deposit, deposit, deposit first before withdrawing from the relationship
--> forgiveness takes place when we remember the incident, but the emotional memory has been forgotten
4. what if I’ve decided to forgive, but can’t get rid of the anger? --> have you applied luke 6:27-28, ro 12:14, 17, 20-21?
--> act out your forgiveness! emotions can catch up to actions
--> enlist a wise friend to help: James 5:16--but don’t infect the other person with your anger!
5. what if someone sins against us as a community? --> see II cor 2:5-11 deal with it as a group, not just individually

Myths About Forgiving

1. if I forgive, I must excuse him for what he did
2. if I forgive, I must trust the other person unconditionally
--> be willing to trust, but you don’t have to trust unconditionally if the other person hasn’t repented or done something about his/her untrustworthiness
3. forgiving means I must have a close relationship with the person
--> jesus didn’t have a close relationship with everyone he forgave!
4. if I have truly forgiven, I must be reconciled to the person
--> reconciliation requires both parties to participate! forgiving and reconciling are two different issues!

from
Communication Seminar with Dr. Steve Allison
Chemnitz, Germany
November 25, 2004